To lose one parent may be regarded as misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.

-Oscar Wilde

Ya had enough of me own problems n shite, coz hey it keeps building up n makes u one sad cunt n i aint down with that.

4:45am..another sleepless night, another zombie workday in a few hours. I feel sorry for my boss.. not his fault i cant sleep. There's this chick who sometimes works wit me, n we get along like heaps well like nethin i sai she's like me too! or vice versa..sooo pretty damn her..n smart n all that...daaaaaaim

Just finished reading 1984 - George Orwell. I liked it, some people tell me they dont like it coz of the way it ends, but there really isnt any other way, it's  close to BNW aye...I'd say more but don't wanna spoil the ending
ahh the days of school, wen we had to actually think. Ok, some of us anyway.
Man..had this random dream that had SYmbolism in it.. farout.. woke up goin..the fuck??

Went for a walk/run as suggested by someone...cc n iris n joss i think? Being unift as and having the ability of  being able to run for about 10 metres before stopping mid-heart attack, advised to run then walk until able to run...how logical, no wonder i didn't think of that. Or more likely, culdnt be fucked goin runnin so never tried..hrm.. yer that one.

There's a nice bushwalk like 10 mins from my house that my mom keeps sayin ppl r gettin killed and thrown behind a random tree so am forbidden to go in there alone, or even with her...coz yer..face it..wot is she goin to do against a guy wit a knife? Tho, prolly culd scream louder then me...
But yer..it was a gud run..cept i had to go back for use of bathroom
so onli lasted for 15 mins..haha how sad, but yer i reali liked the bushwalk n will do it again wen im not tired..which seems to be never.

Like I never have the energy to have a conversation with anyone..or go out..maaaan i remember mass shopping sprees from 9 am -9pm n id be still running around like a maniac..these days im lucki if i can last an hr w/o gettin tired.hrm....checking blood out soon..so hope something turns up.

What book to read next..suggestions?? My mind and vocabulary is detiorating rapidly

-if u highlight over the lil blush face..its eyes look angry. either that or asian hehe..random-

Ok do u think if a person feels lonely n depressed and all of that...u think writing bout how down they've been helps? Does it make things worse? I feel like all I've done for...a week? now is to feel bad about myself and get irritated and tell me to pull myself together. Hrm..maybe I should start cooking, but also feeling like a whale at the moment. With less than encouraging comments from mom.

I'm not sure... I've started pulling random bits of thought together and stringing them together, more often than not into a semi-coherent stream of-what-monologue? I guess it helps. Well if nothing else it helps to put into words this keen sense of emptyness that seems to be growing each day. An internal black hole if you like.
I have this vague feeling I'm not sounding quite myself at the moment...but I'll chalk it up to-hopefully-temporary 5am madness and hope everyone follows suit. Sleeeeep I tell u sleeeeeeep. Ok maybe I'll pass on sleep tonight.. I need to wake up in a few hours anyway.

Tick-tick-tick-tick...I watch the hands move in their steady stacatto rhythm and willed myself to feel drowsy. Nothing. It's already been two hours since I lay under covers in the semi-darkness, fervantly hoping that some sense of normality will return. 512 sheep later I hurled the offending pillow across the room, tossed and turned before deciding the lumpy square had a purpose after all. Five minutes of silent cursing and muttered outrage found me throwing of the covers and jumping of the bed to grab the pillow and toss it back on the bed. Half an hour later I toyed with the idea of showing up to work three hours early and then questioned my sanity. I switched on a light to read softly to myself. Five pages into some random political rant that I feared would bore me to death before I slept, I found myself yawning. Smiling sleepily I reached out to turn off the light and folded my reading glasses onto the bedside table. 
The first rays of daybreak infused the sheer curtains and reflected through prisms hanging from the wooden frame. I fell asleep with the image of my bedroom bathed in the muted glow of dawn, and the rainbows dancing on my wall.

im feeling really insignificant these days.. i mean we all r as one person etttc etc but no seriously..there's like...not many people i can talk to these dais..
like im juss not connectin...

in the process of drifiting apart from two people in particular.. three if  u count someone who i ddnt particularly care for anyway. The first person i tried to stop..and then found maybe i should just let it go coz its better for both of us. You can't turn back time. The second.. i dont know. I think i imagined the fact that we were friends. Well ok im sure i ddnt imagine it totally..we used to be.. n then yer.. trying.. but i dont feel like its important to 'em at all. and i tried to tell 'em but seemed like they juss didnt care.

feelin rejected n hurt  n i kno it sounds like i ddnt make much effort to stop it.. but i did n im juss tired now

im prolli being stupid n selfish.. but yer juss needed to let it out

tomorow's another day aye

[Edit] uhh... the black i like..the red is a little bright...how do i change it??